Tirta Wening

11 Januari 2012
Yer 20:19

"Apabila aku berpikir: 'Aku tidak mau mengingat Dia dan tidak mau mengucapkan firma lagi demi nama-Nya,' maka dalam hatika ada sesuatu yang seperti api yang menyala-nyala, terkurung dalam tulang-tulangku; aku berbelah-belah untuk menahannya, tetapi aku tidak sanggup." 



6 Maret 2012
Yes 1:10,16-20
Mat 23:1-12

     My beloved father and brothers, in the Gospel today Jesus critizes the scribes and the Pharisees. God can't be tricked by the comfortable attitude or the pretended attitude. God reprimands to the hypocritical person.
     Jesus invites us to be a genuine people, isn't like the scribes and the Paharisees. Jesus said to the scribes and Pharisees, "..but don't do according to their works; for they say, and don't do" (ay.3). I get some good values about humility and genuineness.
     May all of our saying, expressing are all of we doing. And all of this come from our consciousness. May what other people see to us, this is our genuiness. Not only please the other people.
     To be genuine according the Gospel today are: First, we do all of our saying. Second, we do all things not only for pleasing the other people, but these are our genuiness. 
     The Second value is anout humility. This is the basic of the virtue tha leading is serving. Jesus said, "Who is the greatest among you shall be your servant (ay.11) ..and whoever exalt himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted (ay.12)."
     To be a good servant supposed a person to be small, to be a little person. He wants to be humble, and humble not only about isn't arrogant, but also dare to be hated, to be humiliated, and to be defeated. 
     In my experience, I couldn't be humble and genuine person. But the gospel today invites us to learn about that. May Jesus guides us to be a good disciple.  




Selasa, 29 Juni 2012
                          CHIKOPLOISME

       Beberapa helai bulu putih melayang semakin banyak ketika Chiko berlari mengejar Sam dan Tesa dengan penuh semangat.  Keceriaan mereka saat bermain sambil saling menggigit ekor membuat orang yang melihat mereka tersenyum, seolah tak ada satupun hal di dunia ini yang mereka pikirkan. Sebenarnya Chiko adalah anjing milik Susteran Misericordia, Jayagiri. Dengan gigih, ia menempuh perjalanan yang cukup jauh dan penuh resiko tertabrak sepeda motor ke Seminari CM Badut hanya pada musim kawin saja. Sudah berulangkali juga para suster dari Jayagiri datang untuk menjemput Chiko pulang, namun tetap saja Chiko kembali ke tempat ini melepas rindu pada Tesa. Kini ia sudah betah dan menjadi penghuni tetap komunitas anjing-anjing novisiat CM bersama Sam, si Coklat; Tesa, si Ratu Kutu; the big Mio, Revo yang mirip kelinci dan Scoppy, the golden rethchiever  yang imut kayak kambing (beberapa nama mereka merupakan kompensasi mimpi para frater yang tidak keturutan membeli motor).
Ooooo….!
     Suasana alam yang asri dan desiran angin yang berhembus lembut, membuatku merasa nyaman untuk duduk beristirahat di bawah pohon mangga yang ditanam Rm. Abi, CM. Kupejamkan mataku sambil menghirup nafas kehidupan yang diberikan gratis oleh Tuhan (kalau bayar, bisa-bisa aku mati karena nggak kuat beli oksigen). “Slurp-slurp..” tiba-tiba sikutku terasa basah seolah ada yang menjilat. “Wah ini sih pasti kerjaan Fr Doy nich, usilnya bener-bener totalitas, inovatif bin kreatif sampai menjilat sikut teman sendiri. Lihat, bakal kukibaskan sikutku biar ompong giginya dan akhirnya aku punya teman yang sama-sama ompong hehehe…” gumamku dalam hati. Namun kuurungkan niat burukku setelah ada sesuatu yang menepuk bahuku. “Bos.. hef..hef bangun bos..!” suara asing ini membuatku penasaran. Kubuka mataku perlahan dan betapa terkejutnya oleh apa yang kulihat. “Ci..ci.cimin.. eh Chiko?!!?” aku berteriak lemah sambil menggaruk lubang hidungku yang gatal kemasukan bulu anjing dengan memakai jempol kaki. “Hef..hef..hef tenang bos, kalau kaget jangan lebay gitu dong..!” jawabnya santai. “Justru kalau aku tidak terkejut berarti aku yang nggak beres.. mana ada anjing bisa bicara njing? Tunggu dulu, aku harus membuktikkan kalau ini bukan mimpi..!!!” Plak..plak (efek suara benda dengan permukaan cukup lebar dihantamkan sekuat tenaga ke objek lain) “Wadouh!! Sakit bos, masak muka imut daku ditimpuk pake sandal butut?” protes Chiko. “Ya Tuhan, be..bbeerarti ini bukan mimpi?!! Semua hal tak terduga memang bisa terjadi di dunia ini dan ini salah satunya,” ungkapku sambil berdecak kagum. “Kenapa nggak mukul di wajah bos sendiri saja kalau mau membuktikan ini nyata atau tidak? Dari pada membahas sesuatu yang tidak penting, mending kita mencari topik yang mantap bos”
     “Hebat.. ini pertama kalinya ada frater yang sharing dengan dogy.. jangan-jangan St. Fransiskus Asisi juga hoby seperti ini saat masih frater.. hem.. memangnya mau ngobrolin apa Chik?”

    Kini Chiko duduk dengan kedua kaki depan dalam posisi tegak dan sesekali menggigit serta menggaruk bagian tubuhnya yang gatal karena komunitas kutu mulai aktif mencari makan. “Begini bos.. sebenarnya ada apa dengan bos? Akhir-akhir ini aku sering melihat wajah bos semakin suram. Memang sih dari dulu aku mengamati wajah bos memancarkan aura madesu (masa depan suram), namun selalu tersenyum manis. Ketika memberi kami makan, bos selalu bertanya apakah makanan kami rasanya enak, sudah asin apa belum, sampai-sampai bos cicipin sendiri makanan kami. Hehehe.. Cerita dong bos biar kami para dogy bisa membantu bos sesuai kemampuan kami...”
    “Hem.. iya Chik, akhir-akhir ini memang aku suntuk banget...” jawabku. “Lha gimana nggak suntuk, lha si bos sering begadang semalam suntuk.” Chiko membalas. ”Bukan suntuk yang itu Chik.. entah kenapa aku jadi sering memikirkan keluargaku Chik.. kangen juga rasanya karena sudah lama aku tidak berkumpul dengan mereka.” Lanjut Chiko bertanya,“Bukankah si bos sudah terbiasa tidak berkumpul bersama keluarga sejak di seminari menengah?”. ”Benar juga sih, tapi ya namanya rasa rindu kan munculnya nggak bisa diduga Chik. Suasana hangat dan akrab bersama keluarga itulah yang ingin kurasakan saat ini. Betapa menyenangkan saat kami makan camilan, martabak, terang bulan, tahu tek-tek bersama-sama sambil menonton Opera Van Java. Sekarang pun aku tidak tahu bagaimana kabar mereka karena di novisiat ini aku tidak boleh membawa hp, tidak bisa kirim surat,” jawabku. “lha saat ambulatio* kan bos bisa telepon di wartel atau kirim email atau facebook’an?” tanyanya. “Waduh.. boro-boro ke wartel atau warnet, uang sepeserpun aku ga punya Chik… sebenernya ya ga cuman kangen doang Chik.. kadang aku juga memikirkan masa depan keluargaku juga, siapa yang menjaga ebes dan emesku kalau mereka sudah tua?..” jawabku. “Lha terus gimana bos? Udah! dari pada suntuk terus mending bawa dalam doa saja bos.. aku masih ingat saat bos pertama kali datang ke sini dihantar oleh keluarga si bos. Ekspresi wajah kalian terlihat penuh syukur karena bisa mempersembahkan salah satu anggota keluarganya untuk menjadi calon imam. Gimana jadinya kalau sekarang ini mereka melihat wajah bos yang muram bin kusam? Yakinlah bos, Tuhan pasti menjaga dan mencukupi keluarga bos dalam kepak sayap-Nya.. so tetap semangat bos, jalani panggilan yang sudah bos pilih ini dengan penuh sukacita!” jawab Chiko bijak.  “Betul juga kamu Chik, daya refleksimu benar-benar mengejutkan”. Kutatap Chiko dengan rasa kagum karena baru pertama kali ini aku dihibur dengan nasihat bijak oleh seekor dogy. Kupejamkan lagi mataku, mengumpulkan tenaga baru untuk bangkit. Pandanganku yang buram terarah pada sosok putih yang ada didepanku. Dimulutnya tampak sesuatu yang tak asing bagiku. Bayangan benda itu semakin nampak jelas. Seketika aku berteriak,“Chiko!!!” Asem tenan sepatuku kau kunyah kayak permen karet !!! Sini kembalikan!!!..”. Chiko pun berlari penuh kemenangan dengan sepatuku yang sudah hancur lebur. 
(Kresna, CM)

*bebas keluar



Rabu, 30 Juni 2012
                                           Holland, I Get What I Want

       I am sitting on the waterfront where the ship was docked and dropped me off in this country. A country of windmills. I come from Newquay, Cornwall, UK. Life that I live is not a normal life like most people. Since a person destroyed my life and personality into pieces. I have been devastated and lonely. These are my friends: devastation and loneliness.
     I am weak but life must go on. I have chosen to start a new path. I learn foreign languages. I want to look for life and my personality which are long gone, probably in Italy, France, or Holland. I want to build a new life, get a new job, and stay in a new home. 
I fall in love with the Italian language that sounds "sexy" when spoken. I have not had time to learn Dutch, but I have learned the language that I think I will never learn -Japanese. Oh my God! But, when I took few times to learn Dutch, I fell in love with it instantly. I'm interested in its accents. Ik leer Nederlandse taal- I Learn Dutch. It's so nice. The most interesting moment is when I introduce my self, such as: Ik ben Hans- I am Hans.
     Sorry, too much I tell you about less important things. I'm now faced with a vast ocean that has taken me to this place, Holland. The main thing in my mind is that I will start a new life, speak a new language, get a new job, live in a home of my own, and no one knows who I am. I will be a new man.
”Goede morgen" A woman came to me. She spoke Dutch.
"Goede morgen"
"Hoe heet je?"
"Ik ben Hans. En je? "
"Ik ben Helen. Blablablablablabla ik ... "
She spoke quickly and I was just confused because I had not been fluent enough in Dutch.
"Sorry." I said.
"Sorry?"
"Sorry, I don’t speak Dutch fluently. Can you teach me? "
"Ok. Where are you from?
"O, you can speak English. Thanks God. I am from UK. I come here to get my new life.
"New life? What do you mean? "
"Oh, forget it"
"Ok ...".
     We talked a lot about the Dutch. Helen is a smart beautiful girl. She taught me many things. She also taught me about life that in some cases was not understandable to me. She taught me to come into my life comfortably and makes me realize that my life is perfect, in spite of the fact that there are some people who expect me to get out of their sights.
I learned the Dutch and life from her. We walked together, had lunch, made "date", and often spent our time at her favorite bakery. We spend together our days and I forget all the burdens and fears, for a moment. I dissolve myself in the beauty of learning a foreign language here, Dutch. My days are with her. She has never asked what I did with my life and what I was doing in her country. She accepts gladly my "forget it" remarks.
     She is charming and friendly. I couldn’t wait anymore to tell all of my problems to her. It is too heavy for me to bear it myself. I told her why I went to the Netherlands, why I ran away from my problems, etc. She has listened to it patiently.
"Is the person who hates you around?" She asked with her widely opened eyes.
"Certainly not"
"Is he in this country?"
"No"
"Okay, now live your life as you want. I'll be with you. It is time for you to start looking for a new work, a nice home, and a new person as you have dreamed, and quit from your "past time". She said and held my hand.
"But I'm still disappointed with all the things. He has destroyed my life and my. I do not know who I am. "
"Think positively, think like adults. You've got your life right now, life is yours. What are you afraid of? "
     I was silent and looked downcast. She took my hand and took me to his house, not far from the park where we talked. She showed a painting of a medieval fortress.
"Look at that! That is a picture of a castle, surrounded by moats. The bridge is the only entrance to the fort. The master of the fortress had the authority to raise and lower it. Without his authority, he will be a victim of bad people and the inhabitant will feel unsafe."
This young lady showed me an amazing thing. She did not judge or blame me. She knew how I felt.
"Now," she said, "you are the master of your fortress, your life. You need to know when the fortress is opened or closed. Forget him and live as new people as you want, I'm your sister and family is your family too. "
    Week after week went by, I walked my life by myself, sometimes with those who loved me and I loved, and tried to be human on the way I wanted. And as for the person who had damaged my dream and life and become a major problem in my life, I want him to know that I did not run away from problems, I just ran to get my freedom. And now, I get it. I am so lucky. Thanks, Helen. You are so kind.
Today, the world will know, my name is Hans, the man who has passed the test of life by getting what I have dreamed. Life is a struggle to get what we look for. I have had it all from the support of the people who want to be in my family, in the Netherlands. Thank you so much.
    And now, I am in England. I return to my place to get my life the way I want. She said to me that it’s better for me to go back to my country and get what I want there. And I get it now. I can forget the person who hates me and I have my own life.
Everything is done- I have settled my being frustrated, I get what I want, I feel light and free. No more fight with in myself. I can see my positive chapters in myself. I forgive a person who makes trouble in my life. I accept and forgive all in my past. I can enjoy my life. I know that this relief and peacefulness is temporary. My scars will not go away from me if I don’t try to change all of my life into a positive and happy way.
Most of all, I can see my past as only a chapter of my life and now I can rebuild my life. I can laugh, smile, and walk briskly. I have forgotten all my devastation and loneliness. And I know that the universe loves me. When someone is all by himself with no family or people to love, the universe will make someone available to be his brother even though there is no blood relationship.  (Arvin, CM)



Kamis, 30 Agustus 2012

Heart beats fast
colors and promises
how to be brave
how can I love when I’m afraid to fall
but watching you stand alone
all of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
one step closer
 

time stands still
beauty in all she is

I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
what’s standing in front of me
every breath
every hour has come to this
one step closer

 
I have died everyday waiting for you
darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
for a thousand years

I love you for a thousand more

and all along I believed I would find you

time has brought your heart to me 

I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more (Christina Perri)



Kamis, 25 Oktober 2012

...ketika jiwa sampai di surga dan memandang wajah Allah, aku bergumam diam: all'alta fantasia qui manco possa - "Ketika sampai pada momen teragung ini, aku tak mampu berkata apa-apa" (Divina Commedia, Paradiso, XXXIII, 142).



Kamis, 15 Nopember 2012

I long to understand in some degree thy truth, which my heart believes and loves. For I do not seek to understand that I may believe, but I believe in orderto understand.

Non tento, Domine, penetrare altitudinem tuam, quia nullatenus comparo illi intellectum meum; sed desiderio aliquatenus intelligere veritatem tuam, quam credit et amat cor meum. Neque enim quaero intelligere ut credam, sed credo ut intelligam. Nam et hoc credo: quia "nisi credidero, non intelligam". 

Tuhan aku tidak berusaha mengerti segalanya tentang keagungan-Mu, karena akal budiku tidak mencukupi untuk itu. Tetap, aku rindu untuk mengerti beberapa hal mengenai kebenaran-Mu yang hatiku percayai agar mengerti. Aku yakin akan ini: jika aku tidak percaya. aku tidak mengerti. (Proslogion Anselmus).
















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